Weightiness – A Heavy Heart

Weightiness – a heavy heart.  The resounding pounding was beginning to weigh me down.

It was a sort of agony I had only read about.  Indescribable still the perpetual grief I sit with.  

Time hardly softens its blow.  Only I and God would know the weight of the burden I’d carry in this incarnation.

A long slow process of grieving, inevitable acceptance and that resounding pounding.

My heart felt heavy amongst the stars.  In bliss I feel a soft pounding as God sits at my side.  

God looking down upon me knowing the lesson would be dealt in full force.  I was being dealt the hand of God. Mercy was upon me for I’d know to come to learn a deeper lesson through the sorrow.  

I’d want to evolve and not become bitter.  I’d go on a journey to find myself, my soul and the meaning of it all.  I know the journey will not end until the very end.  

In one last in breath I’d take in a last little ounce of pain and guilt for my wrong doings of my past lives, not this one.  In one last out breath I’d be ecstatic at the thought of leaving this hard place and in transition however short or long being one step closer to God.

I know I’m here as we all are to learn deep lessons.  We are here only, but for our evolution.  We have to learn and evolve and slowly one lifetime at a time get one step closer to never living another earthy existence for all of eternity.  

For now with the weightiness of this heavy heart I continue feeling the pain and agony and continue my quest for betterment of myself and those around me.  To infinity and beyond….

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Sue Dhillon is an Indian American writer, journalist, and trainer.

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