Pre-Ordained Without Question

The feelings and compulsions that arise inside of me are nothing short of destiny.

It’s inside of me. I do not always control it. It sits idle at times and many times it unleashes itself. I’m compelled to write.

I have these things inside that I feel have no meaning and are baseless if I don’t bring them out. If they are not on display they are mere thoughts running rampant with no where to go, no where to land.

No rest for the weary I suppose.

How do I allow myself to ponder so deeply without a home or place to go? It’s like walking in circles aimlessly with no end.

That would be metaphorically cataclysmic.

And I’ve shared for a long time now about my innate sense of intuition. There is a knowing inside me that as I get older needs no affirmations. I simply know. I don’t need to prophesize aloud for affirmity’s sake. I’m comfortable in my own skin, confident.

But deep down inside there is pain that comes to the surface and I’m reminded that it is not simply grief. There is a feeling and relentless utterance of something more. I feel I’ve been called upon to do this and do it with great measure, grandeur.

There is no way I’d be forced to suffer just for suffering’s sake. There has to be a reason for it all.

What that reason is I’m not sure. With a soul and a mind of its own and wings ready to soar it will surely in due time set sail in the skies like only angels fly. How I will present it to the world I’m not certain, but the world will surely feel it, touch it, and be moved by my selfless hurt.

I didn’t hurt just for me. I hurt for all of us. I hurt for those who cannot articulate their own hurt. I hurt for those who have buried their hurt. And I hurt aloud to connect us all to one another’s hurt. I feel your hurt.

No matter how alone, I’m apparently not alone. God most certainly has a calling for me. And let this little rendering here act as a prophecy of what is to come for me.

There’s something so much bigger. This I’ve always known. Only time can affirm this knowing. Let us see.

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Sue Dhillon is an Indian American writer, journalist, and trainer.