Who Am I? Reflecting On This Physical Incarnation

Who Am I?  There must a be a purpose.  How shall I be or display myself on this stage?  

The world has expectations.  My people are hopeful.  They are proud.  They want more.  They know me well and what I’m capable of.  

Isn’t it exactly like this for all of us?  What are you?  Who?  Why did you choose this incarnation?  What lessons do you still need to learn?  What will I leave behind? And you?  

What will you leave behind?  What good is being done in your circle of circles?  How do you contribute?  How do I?  How are we making it better?Is there a pre-ordained destiny?  Is my legacy simply my writings?  

They touch a dark part of our existence.  That aspect of our being we all tap into, but want to hide and ignore.  That sad part of ourselves we fake smiles for.  It’s that sick dark part of us inside that simmers with sorrow.  It’s that part of us that grieves another tomorrow.  

It’s that confused state of existentialism that wonders what the hell this is all for?  Why are we here?  What is it for?  Who is it for?  It couldn’t possibly be for us?  I can’t be here just for me?  All of these entangled worldly obligations.  Where is my Himalayan cave I can run to?

Where do I retreat into buddha-hood?  My inner bodhisattva so alive.  There’s a burning desire.  I wish I could just check out from it all.  Be gone into realms faraway.  Remote from this captive stage.  

Away from all others.  Me and the One.  Alone with that One frequency.  Alone to connect on that higher level in silence I sit uninterrupted.  No gadgets, no sounds.  My breathe and my heartbeat in oneness with the One.  The One who brought me back.  

The One who called upon my very existence.  The One who manifested me into creation.  It’s for the One I do my dharmic duties.  It’s for the One I pay my karmic balance.  I’d like to get right.  Be correct.  

I’d rather not do this again.  Who am I?  How can I not ever do this again?

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Sue Dhillon is an Indian American writer, journalist, and trainer.