Is There Such A Thing As Being Too Nice?

Is there really such a thing as being too nice?Yes!!!Stop being so darn nice. I’m sharing because of insights my recent read is providing. I’m reading ‘The Power of Kindness’ by Piero Ferrucci. Yes I recommend it. It’s highly insightful and gives us a new perspective on the beauty and detriment of kindness. Kindness is powerful. Good and bad. Kindness if used in an empowered and authentic way can be the most powerful practice at our disposal. For kindness to be powerful and truly meaningful and impactful for both giver and recipient it has to be whole, measured and completely sincere.A powerful use of this can make us happier, healthier, live longer and more peaceful. However if we use kindness because we are just too nice to keep it real then that is to the detriment of ourselves and those around us. If we are too nice to ever say no then we are not being authentic. We are not helping or lending a hand out of the goodness of our heart, but because we are weak or need to abide by some cultural norm or expectation that considers it rude to say no. We are not giving and helping because we want to, but because we feel we have to. This is counter productive to our health, well being and happiness. This sort of kindness makes us tense, causes stress and anxiety and robs us of our sincerity and authenticity. When we do this we are punishing ourselves first and foremost along with the recipient of our inauthentic kind act. Kindness should never be faked or phonied. Kindness is only truly kindness if it is out of generosity and sincerity of spirit.An example the author uses that stuck with me because of a helpless person I know in a similar circumstance is staying in a relationship because they don’t want to hurt the other person. You are doing this because in your mind you are so kind and so nice and so generous that you don’t want to break the other persons’ heart. This is not sincere kindness. A half hearted gesture of love is not kindness. It is betrayal. If you are not sincerely interested whole heartedly in someone and stay because you don’t want to hurt them that is not a kind act. It is not charitable. This is actually mean and insincere to both yourself and the other person. And no one can live in his or her own power if they are not true to themselves first and foremost. By doing this, and this is just one example of how people falsely misinterpret kindness, not only are you living an inauthentic existence and depriving yourself of something real and truly meaningful, but you are robbing the other person of an authentic experience. You are not only keeping them from a real and authentic and much more powerful exchange with someone, but there is an unleveled measure of disrespect. You do not respect the person because you do not believe they are mature, competent or capable enough of handling the truth. We may not think of it this way when we are being inauthentic, but that is essentially what we are doing. We are unable to be honest because we think they cannot handle the truth. While the truth at times can be painful and difficult to handle there is nothing we owe more to our fellow humans than the truth. Without honesty and truth we have nothing. We owe this to them and ourselves.Honesty creates freedom and from freedom comes authentic joy to be ourselves. Unless we can truly be ourselves we cannot truly be kind. Always saying yes when we really mean no really is not kindness because it robs us of the ability to live from a place of power and from our heart where real sincere kindness dwells. It’s better to be kind, sincerely and truly kind because we want to once in a while rather then feeling we have to always be kind. While we should always be kind and considerate, feeling pressure to be kind or if we feel compelled to do something, rather than wanting to do it is not true kindness. Kindness comes from compassion and feeling free in ourselves to want to really give and be warm and considerate.We have to decipher and allow it to come organically from the heart. That is true kindness and that is the power of kindness.As Ferrucci shares in his book – there are countless unexpected benefits to being kind.Good reads rates it 4.14. I’m going to give it at least of 4.9 for good measure, maybe even a full 5.

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Sue Dhillon is an Indian American writer, journalist, and trainer.

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