The Perpetual Aching In My Heart

There is a perpetual aching in my heart that has been there for many years now.  It does not secede.  It does not stop.  It does not go away, but penetrates and seems to grow stronger with each passing day.  It’s a pain like I’ve never known.  I wait to awake and feel lighter one day.  I hope that things will be brighter one day and the aching in my heart will dissipate.  I’m hopeful with time the ache will go away.  It’s an ache like I’ve never known and seems to grow stronger with the passing of each day.  The feeling of pain grows more profound inside of my heart.  The unsettled sorrow might be even worse tomorrow.  They say time heals all wounds, but time really does not offer such solace.  It depends on the depths of the sorrow and the depths of the wound.  Some wounds may last a lifetime and perhaps will not heal.  With the passing of time I feel this wound only seeps deeper into my heart and soul.  The passing of time has only made it hurt more.  The passing of time just brings it more to the fore.  A pain that is alive and well and does not subside.  I put on a smile and laugh, but really inside I cry.I had never known anything like this ever before.  There is a lesson deep beneath the surface of this pain.  It resides there for a reason and for a greater truth.  When our bodies ache and our heart aches there are messages and lessons to be learned.  There are karmic paybacks at stake.  When we sit with the pain we know there is more to the circumstance then just the nagging reminder that something is unsettled and not right.  We may not come to any sound conclusion, but we come to know there is more.  There is growth to be had.  What I’ve learned in life and come to accept is we may not have all the answers.  We may not always understand why something is the way it is or why we cannot change something.  What I do know is there is a deeper inquiry we must have with our higher self.  There is more for us to grasp so with that we must continue the work of our soul.  Our soul’s ultimate longing is to be free of attachments, free of resentments, free of pain, free of yearning and fully liberated.  So as I ponder the pain that pounds inside my heart I continue the work my soul has asked of me.  I continue detaching from what is not and what shall not be.  I continue to sit in stillness and come to terms with what is and what might be.  I continue to live in the belief of hope.  I continue to pray I can cope.

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Sue Dhillon is an Indian American writer, journalist, and trainer.

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